I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize