captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
