hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
