I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are all done wearing pants today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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