There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
