So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
