My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
