Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she looked like the before picture.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
