I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize