dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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