Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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