Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want to make out with him forever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
