i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
