Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
