I wanna bring you to show and tell
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
