"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
