We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
