First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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