She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
