i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
