party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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