I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
