Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize