So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
