Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
