So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
