I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
