That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
