I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize