Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
