Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize