god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
