I'm lost and stupid without you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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