I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
