He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
