so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
