Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
