i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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