My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
