just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
