So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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