what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
