i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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