I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
