guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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