Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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