Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
