is your mom at the bar?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ugly people sure do ruin things
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
