Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
