He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
