He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
