he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
