Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
