why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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