I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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