wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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