I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
