If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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