he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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