Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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