Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want her autograph on my taint
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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