I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
