Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
