I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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