Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
