instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
