just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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