i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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