i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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