So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
